Melissa and Girls

Random thoughts that have been percolating around my brain lately:

*I can't believe how stress-free I've been this Christmas.  Even after having made almost all of my gifts.  I think it's because earlier in the year I sat down and wrote out a game plan and for once didn't procrastinate (mostly).  I'll have to remember this next year.
*I'm obsessed with Brandon Flower's solo cd  Flamingo.  My favorites are:  Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas, Only the Young, Playing With Fire, Crossfire and Swallow It. So that's almost every song on the cd but I can't stop listening to it.  There have been a few of my fellow Nephites that have posted on their blogs and facebook about him recently which also got me thinking about how amazing it is that he grew up in Nephi and is trying to stay true to the gospel but being honest about the fact he has struggled balancing it with the rock and roll lifestyle.  Check out some of these videos (click on the bolded text)..... an ABC, Amplified interview and performing Crossfire on the Jay Leno show.
*I also can't get enough of the song Jar of Hearts.
*I'm sick of Jordyn and Maegan fighting all the time.  Why are kids like this?
*I counted all of the books that I've read this year and I was shocked when the total was over 50.  With working full-time, the craft blog and craft club and the girls activities I was surprised it was that high.
*I am still loving coupons but right now I'm going through a low point.  Sometimes you just gotta let it go a little to be excited about it again.  I haven't been to Walgreens for weeks.
*I don't believe in chore charts or allowance for kids doing things around the house.  They are part of the family and have an inherent responsibility to help.  I am NOT a maid and they know what to do and are expected to do their share...age appropriate chores of course.
*I like looking at the layers of my dryer lint....it's funny to see all the colors....kind of like the rings of a tree.  Weird I know.
*I like to sweep and vacuum floors.
*I loved Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and am already anxious for it to come out on DVD.  I get sad every time I think about how it's almost all over.
*I was recently asked if I would want to be set up on a date.  The fact that even thinking about dating, let alone a relationship or marriage, makes me anxious and feel like I need to throw up must mean I am definitely not ready to go down that road again.  The only problem is that it's been almost 4 years and everyone else seems to think I should want to get married again so then I start wondering if something is wrong with me.
*Related to the one listed above, no matter how many people don't believe me, I am 100% positive I do not want to have any more children.  I don't particularly enjoy the baby years (mostly the 1 to 3 years old range).  I love my three girls and I'm excited for the upcoming years.  I really do not want to start over again.
*I don't like hypocrites.
*I honestly believe I was born at this point in time because I needed air conditioning.  I detest being hot...to the point I don't really like summer.  I much prefer today's weather (cold and rainy) than anything over 75 degrees.
*I'm so excited I finally bought a laser printer for my home.  I did a ton of research and found one that would fit perfectly in my cabinet where my laser jet printer was.  I am loving it.

A lot of people have been putting down what they are thankful for on their blogs and facebook pages.  I would have liked to have spent the time doing the same but really haven't had a chance to do so.  I'm going to list 25 things that I am thankful for but won't take the time to elaborate on each one.  These are in no particular order, just as they come to me!

1.  my patriarchal blessing
2.  my girls
3.  music
4.  my job
5.  friends
6.  family
7.  free agency and the Plan of Salvation
8.  the wonderful nation in which I live
9.  my hometown
10.  learning how to work while I was young
11.  entertainment (movies, tv etc.)
12.  my health and that of my girls
13.  books and reading
14.  my Grandma
15.  education and continual learning
15.  my eyesight
16.  good speakers with lots of bass to listen to my music as LOUD as I can when I clean
17.  people infinitely smarter than I am who invent our modern day conveniences
18.  modern medicine
19.  electricity
20.  food
21.  modern transportation
22.  water (drinking, growing things and playing in)
23.  traditions
24.  comfortable "lounge" clothes to change into after getting home from work
25.  coupons!  lol....they have made a huge difference in my life so how can I not be thankful for them?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Sunday, July 11th: The girls and I woke up around 9 a.m. I made breakfast and we started to get ready to go to my grandma's house. I knew it would be a long day for her and wanted to be able to help in any way I could. We left around noon but stopped at Arctic Circle to eat lunch so we weren't an inconvenience while at her house. When we first got to her house she came up to me and gave me a big hug. My Aunt Jennifer and Aunt Theo had stayed the night and I also hugged each of them. This of course was very tearful and emotional. It must have been hard to really understand what had happened the day before and they had a lot of questions so I told them everything I could about what happened. My grandma was very upset that my grandpa hadn't been wearing his helmet. She said that she thought he always wore it. My Aunt Theo told her that whenever they were four wheeling with them he never wore it.  It's looking like he would wear it with certain people but not with others. Most of the day was spent with various neighbors/ward members stopping in to offer their condolences and various family members arriving. Those who lived out of state were either making plans on when and how they would get here or still finding out about his death.  My aunts and grandma were very worried about how my mom was doing and anxiously waiting for them to arrive and it was around 4:30 p.m. when they finally did.  My aunts and grandma rushed outside to see my mom and had another tearful reunion.  Of course we also started to discuss the funeral arrangements and we had been waiting for the mortuary to call and they never did.  Finally my aunt Jennifer called and we found out that they were closed on Sunday so it was actually Monday that they were going to call.  However, because my grandpa wanted to be cremated we had a lot of questions and the on-call person was willing to talk to us about some of our options.  At first I was upset that he wanted to be cremated.  However, my uncle explained that as long as he wears his temple clothes for the cremation it is ok as far as the gospel is concerned and I felt much better about it.  My grandma wasn't planning on a viewing but the mortuary told us the family would be able to see him the next day so we kind of planned on it being a private family viewing.  They day passed very quickly and quietly and finally around 9:00 p.m. I headed home.

Monday, July 12th: Sean had offered to watch the girls so I took him up on this. After dropping them off I met my Grandma; Aunt Theo and her daughters, Michelle and Erica and Erica's husband Ryan; my Mom and Dad and sister Lisa; Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Tony at the mortuary. As we were walking in my Grandma started to cry and had to take a moment to get herself together before walking in. Learning about cremation was very interesting. It took a while to sort through all the different options and the legalities of it. We also wrote the obituary while there. After the decisions had been made it was time for the family to see my grandpa. My Grandma went in first and by herself and after a few minutes she was ready for the rest of us to come in. Because I had been on the mountain and at the hospital I held back to let everyone else have an opportunity to see him. While at the mortuary we were also discussing different options of who would do what in the family.  I was asked to make the program for the memorial service (apparently they're not funerals when it's a cremation).  Because I had taken pictures of him fishing only a few hours before his death everyone wanted that picture to be used on the program.  It is really a lot of difficult decisions to make on how to remember a loved one.  Any time I hear of a friend that has had a death in their family I feel so bad for them knowing what they will be experiencing.  Anyway, after we finally left it was early in the afternoon and I headed home to start working on the program.  It wasn't until about 9:00 when I finally was finished with them (I had made a few different versions) when I finally picked up the girls from Sean and headed to my grandma's to see which one they would want to use and after a few changes we settled on one.  My aunts had found a box of nice cardstock in my grandpa's things and wondered if it would work for the programs so I took it with me so I could look into it.  We were only there for about 30 minutes when we drove home and went to bed.

Tuesday, July 13th: I woke up and started calling different printers in the area for an estimate on color prints for the program. After finding a local printer in SF was the cheapest I met my aunts there.

You'll have to imagine these printed on paper but this is the only way I could upload it.  Anyway, the man at the counter said I did a nice job and commented that he had just been reading about my grandpa that morning (whether an article in the paper or his obituary I don't know).  Anyway, it was really interesting because we decided to print 250 copies and the man said he wasn't sure if we had enough paper.  We actually had 249 pieces of paper so it worked out perfectly and we thought that was pretty funny.  After leaving the printer my girls were tired of being home so I decided to take them to the day care so they could see their friends for a few hours.  I went home and wanted to sleep because I was so tired but my house hadn't been cleaned and laundry hadn't been done in a few days so I turned my music up, cleaned and mowed my back yard.  I wasn't planning on doing anything with the family that night buy my Aunt Amy flew in from Oregon and on her way to my Grandma's stopped and picked up dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory.  I love their Spinach Tortellini so I couldn't resist the offer.  I picked up my girls and headed back up to my Grandma's.  It's been a couple years since I've seen my Aunt Amy.  After a tearful greeting it was fun to spend the rest of the evening talking.  Around 10:00 p.m. we headed home and went to bed.

Wednesday, July 14th:  This was a long day.  During the previous few days many family members wanted to go see where the accident happened.  At first my parents were reluctant but finally agreed.  Also, we knew that everyone in the family that was able to come would be here by late Tuesday/early, early Wednesday morning so another family viewing was arranged for 8:30 a.m.  Because I had already said my goodbyes I decided not to go to this viewing and it was a good thing too because I woke up late.  Anyone who was planning on driving to the mountain was going to leave from the mortuary at 9:30 so I was able to get the girls and I out the door.  Luckily I only live about 3 minutes away and they hadn't left yet so I didn't have to play catch-up.  There ended up being 4 car loads of people going.  Aunt Amy decided to drive down with me and we were able to catch up on the long drive down.  Around 1:00 p.m. we finally arrived at our campsite.  My mom had packed sandwiches, chips and drinks for everyone so we ate lunch and talked about where everything had been set up at camp.  After lunch we continued on and finally arrived at the beginning of the trailhead.  No 4 wheelers were involved in this trip and we all hiked down the trail on foot.  My grandpa had a walking stick he would take hiking with him and my Aunt Amy made sure everyone had a turn with it.  When we got to to bottom of the hill my dad showed everyone where my Grandpa had been and where his bike had was.  We also found some pieces of the bike such as the broken mirror, a piece of the brake lever and some plastic pieces.  I think because we were now removed from the drama of the event we were able to actually talk and 'guestimate' what we think happened.  We think the bike only rolled 1 time based on the amount of damage to the bike and the location of where my Grandpa was and where the bike had landed.  Based on that assumption we realized that he had not really got to the part of the trail that was difficult yet.  Because of that assumption we are thinking something happened that either caused his bike to stall or for some other reason roll backward.  There was one rock on the side of the trail that if his right back tire had hit it would have sent his bike rolling in the direction that crushed the front left of the bike.  My Mom, Dad, cousin Peter, Amy and myself all agree that that is a logical conclusion.  If he had been any farther up the trail where it was much steeper it would have rolled farther below him.  I guess we could all be completely wrong but it really was nice to all feel like we "know" what happened.  My dad feels a lot better because I think he was worried about people thinking it was his fault for making my Grandpa go on the trail.  After a while everyone seemed to finally feel a little more at peace with what had happened.  I know Amy finally felt okay that he had indeed died in a beautiful place with his family doing what he loved.  We needed to head home and this time my cousin Peter and another cousin's daughter, Nina, rode home with me.  Peter is living in West Virginia so it was nice to be able to catch up with him too.  When we got back to grandma's house we had another family dinner since the entire family was finally here.  We had KFC and lots of side dishes that the Relief Society brought in.  After dinner was finished I went with my aunts to help set up the Relief Society room for the Memorial Service.  Because we weren't having a viewing we had spent a lot of time planning on setting out different things that represented my Grandpa's life and had an hour before the services in which people could come and visit.  I was asked last minute to make some cards for the tables so people would know what they were looking at.  Again, around 10:00 p.m. the girls and I headed for home and I got to work on the placecards.

Thursday, July 15th:  We had to wake up early to get ready and get to the church on time to finish setting up.  The tables looked amazing and I was happy (and sad that it was because of these circumstances) that I was able to see a whole new side of my grandpa that I hadn't known before.  I think it's interesting that in families we all seem to have our roles and while we're interested in how everyone is doing and care and love them do we really know them?  As people came to visit with the family I found it fascinating to listen to the different stories everyone had about him.  I guess we really never know how we affect others during our lifetime.  I really wish that I hadn't taken him for granted.  Anyway, an interesting thing happened before the "viewing" began.  My nephew Jaxon was not with us on the camping trip and Lisa said that she had not said anything to Jaxon about what had happened.  She figured that because Jaxon had just barely turned 3 and didn't really know grandpa that he wouldn't understand what was going on.  Amazingly, as we were sitting in the relief society room Lisa was holding a program in her hand and Jaxon grabbed it and held it and stared at the picture on the front for about 5 minutes.  He was completely still looking at it (and honestly, this kid NEVER sits still!)  Suddenly Jaxon started saying things like, "Grandpa with people up there!" while he was pointing up to the ceiling and "Grandpa hit head, rock."  Lisa was in complete shock as were the rest of us who saw this.  Lisa swears that he couldn't have heard her talking about anything to do with the accident.  To me it is another affirmation how thin the veil is.  After the memorial service was over we had a military service outside the church since my Grandpa had served in the Navy.  I hate TAPS.  It makes me cry every time I hear it but it was actually very touching.  After this was finished we went back inside for the typical family luncheon that the Relief Society prepared.  I was very thankful for their willingness to serve and make life just a little easier.  I was even more grateful when considering it was actually their third funeral in three days and how much work it must have been to do this again.  We went back to my grandma's house for a little while but eventually I needed to go home.  The girls go to Sean's every Thursday so I needed to take them to his house and honestly I just needed some time alone so I could just relax.

Friday, July 16th:  This was my first day back at work.  It was nice to be back in a familiar routine.  The day was going along great until about 9:30 that night when I got a call from Sean that Jordyn had cut her foot and wondered if I thought he should take her to get stitches.  He didn't really think she needed them but I thought it sounded like she did.  We decided he would clean the wound really well and bandage it up and look at it again in the morning and take her to the instacare if needed.

Saturday, July 17th:  I cleaned my house in the morning and then expected to pick up the girls.  I hadn't heard from Sean so I assumed he had decided against stitches.  However, I finally received a call from Ashley (their step-mom) that she thought Jordyn needed stitches and they were wondering if they should take her to the Instacare or if I would want to.  Of course I was very nice but my answer was obviously that they should take her.  So, as I was waiting to hear the verdict from the doctor I jumped in the shower.  She ended up getting 6 stitches right on the ball of her foot.  When Sean finally dropped her off it was obvious she couldn't walk and thank goodness I have those crutches at my house from when I was a kid.  She couldn't wear a shoe over the bandage because it was still so sensitive to pressure.  The bad news was that my family was going to the Ute Stampede rodeo as we do every year.  It is dusty and dirty and I was really worried about it getting infected so I almost decided not to go.  My dad said that he would carry her around so she wouldn't have to walk on it so I finally relented.  The rodeo was fun because Amy, her husband Lance and daughter Sammie came with us.  After the rodeo we went to the carnival and the girls went on a few rides but Jordyn wasn't able to go on a lot of them because of not having a shoe on.  We didn't stay too late and finally I headed home to go back to bed.

Sunday, July 18th: We all slept in today. Holy Cow. I woke up and it was 10:00. My girls didn't wake up until 11:00. I guess we needed it after this crazy week. I did a couple loads of laundry and read my book (the 8th book in the Work and the Glory). We got cleaned up and went to my Aunt Jennifer's house for another family dinner. A lot of my cousins were leaving the next day so it was one last hurrah before everyone slowly goes back to their normal routines. It had been a very sad week but really fun to get everyone together (minus only 3 cousins) and talk and get better acquainted with everyone. At one point I was sitting in the house and suddenly I see Maegan riding past the window on a little electric scooter. I was shocked! I had no idea she could manage one of those on her own. Plus I'm a little skittish about the whole helmet thing. Apparently she "rides them all the time" at her friend's house. I just loving finding out little tidbits about what my kids are doing when they are not with me. I had to remind myself that she was not going much faster than she would be on a bicycle and only in the back yard so I needed to not freak out. My girls stayed to sleep over with my cousin Emily's daughter, Carly Rae and my aunt took them to the daycare the next morning.

I'm exhausted just reliving all of this.  Sorry it took me so long to get it all written up but it really does take a lot of time to remember everything that took place.

Warning....there are tons of pictures here!

Here is the annual quiz I give the girls every year after school starts!

Jordyn:
1. What’s your favorite color? Purple
2. What’s your favorite food? Pizza
3. What’s your favorite dessert or treat? Caramel Brownies and your apple cake
4. What’s your favorite subject at school? Math and Art
5. What’s your favorite thing to do at recess? Cheering
6. Who is your best friend? Breanna Monson
7. Do you like boys? No
8. What’s your favorite thing to do at home? Have late night
9. What's your favorite thing we do as a family? Going to movies
10. What's your favorite thing to do with mom? Have her come to my class parties
11. What do you like about Maegan? That she's nice to me and she's fun to play with
12. What do you like about Brooklen? She's sweet and gives me hugs and kisses
13. What do you like about Mom? That she's funny
14. What don’t you like at school? I can't think of anything I don't like
15. What is your least favorite food? Tomatoes, onions and potatoe salad
16. What do you want to be when you grow up? An artist
17. Do you want to get married? Yes
18. Do you want to have kids and how many? Yes, 2
19. Anything you want to tell me that I haven’t asked? No
20. What's your favorite TV Show? Victorious

Maegan:
1. What’s your favorite color? Blue
2. What’s your favorite food? Pizza
3. What’s your favorite dessert or treat? White Chocolate or your apple cake
4. What’s your favorite subject at school? Math
5. What’s your favorite thing to do at recess? Do gymnastics
6. Who is your best friend? Megan Stott
7. Do you like boys? yes
8. What’s your favorite thing to do at home? Spend time with my family
9. What's your favorite thing we do as a family? Family Home Evening
10. What's your favorite thing to do with mommy? Having mommy daughter day
11. What do you like about Jordyn? She's nice
12. What do you like about Brooklen? She's loving
13. What do you like about Mommy? She's nice
14. What don’t you like at school? Nothing
15. What is your least favorite food? Tomatoes and onions
16. What do you want to be when you grow up? A police girl
17. Do you want to get married? Yes
18. Do you want to have kids and how many? Yes, 4
19. Anything you want to tell me that I haven’t asked? What's my favorite bug? A butterfly.
20. What's your favorite TV show? iCarly

Brooklen:
1. What’s your favorite color? Purple
2. What’s your favorite food? Spaghetti
3. What’s your favorite dessert or treat? Brownies
4. What’s your favorite subject at preschool? Pumpkins
5. What’s your favorite thing to do at preschool? Play
6. Who is your best friend? Ava & Nikki
7. Do you like boys? Nooooo
8. What’s your favorite thing to do at home? Have sleepovers.
9. What's your favorite thing we do as a family? Family Home Evening
10. What's your favorite thing to do with mommy?  Watch movies
11. What do you like about Jordyn? I don't know
12. What do you like about Maegan? I don't know
13. What do you like about Mommy? Watch movies
14. What don’t you like at preschool? Boys
15. What is your least favorite food? Green Beans
16. What do you want to be when you grow up? Ummmm, ummmm, I don't know yet
17. Do you want to get married? Yes
18. Do you want to have kids and how many? Yes, 6
19. Anything you want to tell me that I haven’t asked? No
20. What's your favorite TV show? My Little Pony

***Warning....this is a VERY long post.  It took me hours to type it but it probably won't take so long to actually read it.  I was very emotional so it took me a while to get through it all.  I've also been told by a few people that this made them cry and I should post a disclaimer.....so proceed at your own risk!***

Saturday, July 10th we woke up, ate breakfast, cleaned up and got ready. My grandpa wanted to start fishing and we must have been taking too long because he decided to go to Deep Lake without us and then we would meet up with him later. We were only about 30 minutes behind and left the trailer around 11:30 a.m. My dad took all 3 girls with him on his 4 wheeler and I rode on the back with my mom. Deep Lake was probably about 30 minutes away from where we were camping. It was a nice day and we all enjoyed the ride and the scenery.

When we got to the lake we were surprised that Grandpa wasn't there. A family was just leaving and they said they had been there all morning and hadn't seen him. We figured he must have missed the turn to the lake so we back tracked a little and then continued on the trail we had originally been on. A little past Deep Lake there is another lake we thought he may have gone to on accident. When we got there there was still no sign of him. We were trying to decide what to do when I saw him driving on the trail so I had to run and flag him down. He laughed a little and said he had missed the turnoff and was almost at the end of the trail when he realized he must have missed it and turned around to come back.

We finally made it back to our original destination around 12:30 p.m. and got settled in to enjoy some fishing. My girls were tagging along with my dad and grandpa and I headed in the opposite direction to settle under a tree and read a book. As I was sitting there and watching what everyone else was doing I thought about how I didn't have very many pictures of grandpa so I decided to take a couple while he was walking on the trail to where he was going to fish and then once he had started. He caught a fish on his very fist cast and the girls were so excited. Unfortunately it got away. He stayed in that spot for about an hour or so and caught about 7 or 8 fish. We forgot a net and all but 3 got away. My grandpa enjoys napping and after a while he decided he wanted to have a little rest so he found a nice shady spot, put his hat over his eyes and slept while the rest of us continued fishing. I wasn't able to read much as I ended up helping the girls with their poles and nobody else caught anything.



Around 5:30 p.m. we were getting a little hungry so my mom passed out some Hostess Cupcakes when we noticed the sky was getting dark in the distance and it looked like it was going to rain. Rather than go to the trailer the way we had come, my dad wanted us to go the way my grandpa had gone when he was lost. Because grandpa had already been to the end of the trail once he knew that at the end it was very steep and bumpy. He was very concerned that it would be too dangerous with the girls riding on the back and wanted to tie them on so they wouldn't fall off.  My dad didn't think it would be a problem but said that when we got to that point we would have them get off and walk up the trail. My grandpa felt much better after that and we started on our way. There were two reasons my dad wanted to go this way. One, he said distance wise it was closer (I personally don't think it really was and I'll get into that later) and two, he thought it was a fun trail because little bridges went over some ponds and creeks and the view was really pretty. He was right that it was a fun trail but I was worried about us not making it back to the trailer before it started to rain on us because it was already sprinkling (if you've ever been caught in a rain storm on a 4 wheeler you know it's not that fun). I kept thinking that it was taking forever to get back to the main road (Skyline) when my dad finally stopped and made the girls get off because we were at the end of the trail.

There was some mumbling and complaining from them so I decided I'd better get off and walk with them. It was a good thing because I had to help Brooklen a few times. The first hill had a gradual bend to it and then leveled off a little followed by another steep, rocky incline that wasn't very long. We were almost to the top of the first hill when my dad came up follwed by my mom about 30 seconds later. We all waited there for maybe a minute or so when my dad decided it would be okay for the girls to get back on and he rode the rest of the way to the top. My mom and I were wondering where grandpa was but figured that because he is a cautious person and he couldn't see to the top that he probably wanted to make sure everyone was out of the way before he attempted to head up. I jumped on the back of her bike and we also rode the rest of the way. Because I had started walking up the hill with the girls I didn't hear this but before my mom started up the hill she turned around and asked, "Are you nervous?" and my grandpa said, "Not a bit." (yeah, I'm crying now as I'm typing this....)

When we got to the very top of the trail head we were in a open grassy area. The girls got off the bikes and started walking around while my dad, mom and I waited for my grandpa. From the time we started up the hill to this point was maybe 5 minutes or so. We kept wondering where he was and my dad said, I'm going to see what's taking him so long. My mom said that she thought she heard his bike so he waited about a minute longer when he decided that he needed to go down. I think deep down I knew something was wrong, and my mom's eyes looked panicy (I'm sure that's not a word but I don't know how else to describe them). A few minutes after my dad had left we heard three gunshots....BANG, BANG, BANG.....in quick succession. I knew right then that there had been an accident. I honestly think my mom went into shock right then because my mom looked at me and said, "why are they target shooting?" I said, "Mom, that wasn't target shooting." We were standing at the top of the trail looking down and she was pacing and said it again. I asked her if she wanted me to walk down but she said no and about 30 seconds to a minute later my dad came back up.

I knew something was wrong because my dad was in what I would describe as "calm mode". I could see he was trying to stay together for my mom's sake. He got off the bike and put is hands on my moms shoulders and looked her in the eyes and said, "There's been an accident. He rolled his bike. He's conscious. He's not bleeding. He says his back hurts. You need to go be with him while we get help." My mom rolled her eyes and sighed all at once. We were worried about him going into shock so my mom grabbed a purple towel from the back of the 4 wheeler that the girls had been sitting on to soften their ride and started down the trail. At this point my dad turned to me and we started talking about how we were going to get a hold of 911. At first he was thinking he would have to drive quite a ways to one spot on the mountain they had discovered where their phones worked (this is how they had called me to let me know which camping spot they were at). But then because we were out in an open area he realized he should check his phone first before he drove somewhere when he didn't need to. He flipped open his phone and it said, "Emergency Mode" or something like that. He called 911 and amazingly he got through immediately but it was a bad connection. He was having to yell-talk to explain where we were and what had happened. He even stood on top of his 4 wheeler to try and help the connection. He asked them if they could send a helicopter and the dispatcher said they would get everyone they could to help us. After he got off the phone we were trying to decide if we should call my grandma or not. I said that I would want to know but also that there was nothing that she could do. We honestly were a good hour and a half from Gunnison and we knew it was going to take hours and hours by the time we would be able to get him to the hospital. So, we decided to wait and call her when we knew what the plan was and how long it would take to get him to the hospital.

While all of this was going on it was obvious to the girls that something was very wrong and they were extremely upset when I told grandpa had rolled his 4 wheeler and were crying. At this point my dad and I had to decide what to do with them. We figured it would be dark before we were headed to the hospital and even though we had some water bottles and coats we certainly weren't prepared for them to be outside for hours, especially if started raining. My dad told me that he thought grandpa had broken his back and that he was talking. In fact, he had told my dad where his CB radio was (but it didn't work, my dad thinks it was damaged when the bike rolled) and was trying to get his cell phone out of his pocket and he was the one who said he need "medivac." Based on what little we knew at that time, we decided he would go back down with my mom and I would take the girls back to the trailer, so they were safe and out of the way, and then I would come back and wait for rescue personnel and guide them to my grandpa. I jumped on my mom's 4 wheeler with Brooklen in front of me and Jordyn & Maegan on back.

I didn't realize at the time how far away we were from the trailer.  I thought our trailer was only 2 or 3 miles away however, as I was driving I realized that really  had no clue where I was because I hadn't been that far south before (the northern areas around Ferron Reservoir wouldn't have been a problem).  At one point I came around a bend and there was a fork in the road.  I was debating about turning around because all we needed was for me to get lost with the girls in the middle of this drama but I then decided to take the right fork and figured I could always turn around if I needed to.  But then I decided what I really needed to do was pray.  I stopped the 4 wheeler and told the girls I needed to say a quick prayer and I just asked Heavenly Father to confirm to me if I was on the right trail.  After a few moments I felt like I was headed in the right direction and continued on.  A few minutes later a dirt bike came over a hill in front of me and I flagged them down.  Unfortunately it was a young boy and I was asking him if his parents were around when a 4 wheeler and truck came up behind him.  On the 4 wheeler was a lady (maybe around my age) and I asked her if I was on the right road to get back to 12 Mile Flat but she didn't know and told me to ask the guy driving the truck.  When I drove up to ask him he must have been able to tell something was wrong and asked what was going on.  I explained that my grandpa had rolled his 4 wheeler at the head of trail 29 and that I was taking the girls back to the trailer and just needed know if I was on the right road.  He told me I was and asked if anyone was with grandpa.  I told him about my mom and dad and that we had gotten a hold of 911 already.  He then asked me if trail 29 was the one that was rocky and steep and I said yes and I got the impression that he was going to go there and see if he could help.

I continued on my way and finally got to the trailer (which turned out to be more like 7 miles away).  I told the girls to stay inside and play and eat when they got hungry and that if we weren't back before dark to snuggle up in their blankets on the couches and go to sleep.  I was really worried about my grandpa going into shock so I filled up a bunch of water bottles and grabbed some rain ponchos and some thermal blankets I had in the trunk of my car and headed back.

It took me about 35 minutes from the time I left to drop of the girls to get back.  When I got there there were a lot of people around.  The truck I had stopped plus a few more 4 wheelers.  As I pulled in I saw my dad talking to someone and I heard him say, "that's my daughter" and he started walking over to me and I knew that grandpa had died.  I said, "Did he die?"  I don't remember his exact answer because I started to cry.  He just hugged me for a little while and then the girl that had been on the 4 wheeler I stopped came over to me and hugged for a little bit while I cried some more.  At that point I got off the 4 wheeler when I realized that they had already brought his body up and he was laying in the grass and they had put the purple towel my mom had taken with her over him.  I honestly felt like I needed to throw up but it was all stuck in my throat.  Not that anyone was being disrespectful but I was bothered by the fact that he was on the ground and not on something, a blanket or another towel or something but the ground.  It also bothered me to see him in the same clothes he was wearing while we had been fishing and having fun.  I have no idea how to put into words how I felt other than it was awful.

My dad was trying to tell me to be strong for my mom right when she drove up on a 4 wheeler (I can't even describe the look on her face, it will haunt me forever) and when she got off she said, "Where is he?"  My dad led her over to him and she got on her knees, pulled back the towel and hugged him and just kept saying over and over, "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry" while she was crying.  It was so horrible to watch.  At one point my dad looked at me and said, "This is a nightmare Melissa.  This wasn't supposed to happen."  Everyone that was there kind of stood back while we hugged and cried and gave us some time to grieve.  My mom started going through all of his pockets saying she didn't want anyone to take anything.  My dad was trying to be supportive but was trying to get her to understand that nobody was going to hurt him or us and do something like that.

Some time during all of this the man in the truck that I had stopped came over to us and said, "Let me tell you what's going to happen."  I think he could tell we were at a complete loss of what to do so he wanted to help put my mom at ease.  Apparently, this guy had been on Sanpete County's Search and Rescue for 6 years and had only recently (like only a couple of months) retired from it.  He said that as soon as my dad had called 911 they had dispatched a helicopter from Provo which was sent in the general direction of where we were.  However, it takes the ground crew getting there first so they can give the exact GPS coordinates to land it.  When he had arrived he actually got those coordinates to the dispatchers so the helicopter was really close but they turned it back because grandpa was already deceased and the ground crew was only a few minutes away.  Right around when he was saying this we saw the first rescue truck come around the corner.

I was amazed by how many people responded.  An officer from the US Forest Service, the Division of Natural Resources, Sanpete County Sheriff officers, EMT's and I can't remember who else.  The officer from the forest service was in charge of the investigation and one of the men who had helped my mom and dad while I was taking back the girls actually walked him down to where it happened because we were trying to figure out how to notify my grandma.  This is another reason I never want to be a part of an accident like this.  I think everyone knows what it's like to receive that phone call when someone you know or loved has died.  Having to be the one to decide how that happens terrible.  Again, I don't know how else to really describe it but in my mind it was like a ripple effect of how everyone in my family was going to be told.  We were thinking about  my cousin Joe because it was his birthday and felt bad that he was going to get this news.  I felt sick about my grandma finding out, and then my aunts and then my cousins and I was thinking about how they were all going to be told that grandpa died while 4 wheeling with Ed, Patti, Melissa and the girls and how they were going to react and I hated that we were a part of it.  Does that make any sense?  Anyway, the sheriff deputies kept saying they could have a deputy from Utah County notify her but we knew that would was not the best way.  It just seemed so cold to have a stranger have to tell her.  What we decided was that because my Aunt Jennifer was closest to her and one of the "stronger" sisters my mom would call her when she got to the spot on the mountain from where she could call.

After the "investigation" was over and the medical examiner had said the EMT's could move him they covered him with a white sheet and put him on a back board.  We were all crying and my mom was holding my hand.  Because of where we were the ambulance wasn't able to come to our location so they actually had to put him in the back of the enclosed search and rescue trailer.  My mom rode with the sheriff deputy driving the truck and when they got to the top of the mountain they would move him to the ambulance.  My dad and I were going back to camp to get it locked up and would then meet her at the hospital.  We said good bye to everyone that had helped and then left.  I rode my mom's 4 wheeler and a deputy rode my grandpa's (the only damage to the bike was the left handle bar was bent and the mirror and some of the plastic was broken on that side).

As we pulled back into camp I could see the girls looking out the window.  I unlocked the trailer, walked in and closed the door dreading having to tell them.  I gathered them on the couch and knelt down and said that grandpa had died.  Jordyn gasped and Maegan said, "He died?" in a really high pitched, sad voice and they all burst into tears.  I just hugged them for a little while and told them that we needed to get packed up and go to the hospital.  My dad told me to go ahead and go and he would get everything locked up and then meet us there.  As we drove down the mountain we actually ended up behind the ambulance and sheriff's truck because they had to drive so slow.  It was a very long drive.  The girls would calm down and then start crying again.

When we got to Gunnison Valley Hospital it was about 9:30 p.m.  We hadn't eaten anything substantial since breakfast that morning and they were so kind and pulled the girls into a room and gave them cookies and milk and little purses that had books and stuffed animals and things in them.  I was covered in dirt from riding on the dirt road so many times and so sunburned so I was able to try and get cleaned up.  While my mom had been with the deputies she had gotten a hold of her sister Jennifer who in turn called another sister, Theo, who with their husband's Tony and Terry respectively, told my Grandma.  Obviously my grandma was in shock and they hadn't left Woodland Hills yet because they didn't know what they were supposed to do.  Terry finally asked to talk to me because he said my mom wasn't making any sense.  It was finally determined that the mortician from Spanish Fork would indeed drive to the hospital that night to retrieve my grandpas body and my grandma could go to the mortuary so she decided not to drive all the way to Gunnison that night.  During this we discovered that my grandpa wanted to be cremated.  I was really upset at first and honestly I've never known anyone who has been cremated so I didn't know how viewings and all of that worked.  The hospital staff said we could go in and see him and the girls really wanted to so we walked in and as soon as we got past the curtain they stopped and didn't want to go any further.  My mom was starting to worry because it was about 10:15 and my dad still wasn't there.  I was with my mom in the room with my grandpa when he finally walked in.

I actually left the room because that was my dad's breaking point.  When he saw her he hugged her and just started sobbing.  I figured they would want some time alone.  After a few minutes he had calmed down and we were talking about what needed to be done with camp and the mortician etc.  My dad and I had assumed she would want to go home and we'd have to go back on the mountain to get everything later (which is what took my dad so long because he was cleaning everything up) but my mom kept saying she had to go back and couldn't leave his stuff up there.  So, at about 10:30 we decided that because of the girls I would drive home.  They were going to wait for the mortician and then go back on the mountain.  As we were getting ready to leave my girls were upset and wanted to try and see him again.  I explained that he wouldn't look the same as he had earlier in the day but they insisted that they wanted to so we walked in the room again and this time they were able to walk right up to the bed.  Maegan asked why he was so white and the nurse explained that it was because his heart wasn't pumping his blood anymore.  My mom told the girls that they could give him a kiss goodbye if they wanted to and my dad was taken aback and his eyes got really big and he shook his head no but the girls really had the same reaction and didn't want to.  I gave him a kiss on his forehead and Jordyn and Maegan kissed their fingers and touched his face but Brooklen didn't want to.  We said good-bye and thanked the hospital staff again and started to long drive home.

My grandma called me while I was driving and wanted to know if he had been wearing his helmet because she thought he always wore it.  When I told her no she was so upset and couldn't believe it.  I was in between Gunnison and Nephi and was going to loose coverage so she told me to be careful and she would talk to me the next day.  Because it was late on a Saturday night when I left Gunnison NOTHING was open so when I pulled into the south end of Nephi I stopped at Burger King for some food.  We were famished.  The girls all told me what they wanted and I am not kidding, the amount of time it took for Brooke to tell me what she wanted to eat to getting it and handing it to her she had fallen asleep.  I felt so bad that she didn't eat any dinner but it honestly couldn't have been helped.  We got home and I had to take a shower because I really was covered in dust and then sank into bed absolutely exhausted.

The month of July was certainly one to remember although for very unfortunate reasons. The first weekend was the 4th of July which is also my dad's birthday. Every year we go to Nephi to party it up and watch fireworks. My mom is always giving Lisa and me cute little presents on holidays and I thought it would be fun to do something for them too. I saw a cute idea how to make "firecrackers" so the girls and I headed to Joanne's to pick up the supplies we needed. We spent the morning painting and gluing and making a big mess but we had a lot of fun. After the firecrackers were finished I hurried and made Jordyn & Maegan these adorable shirts out of bandannas. I had seen similar ideas in the blog world but I didn't want to pay for any patterns and I figured I have sewn enough to wing it and they turned out perfectly. I had scored the bandannas at Hobby Lobby a couple months before so each shirt only cost about $3.00. I didn't make one for Brooklen because we have so many other shirts from when Jordyn & Maegan were little but I promised her I'd make her a pink one (and now it's October and I haven't made it yet! Bad mom!). Usually it’s just my immediate family for this little get together but this year my Grandma and Grandpa Madsen joined us. My mom forgot to buy candles so it was really funny as she put one big votive candle on his cake. My girls were cracking up. After dinner we were worried the fireworks would be cancelled because it was a little windy but eventually they started and we had a great time, as we usually do, sitting back behind my parent’s house watching them.  It was a little chilly so my Grandma stayed in the house and the kids bundled up in blankets. Who knew that exactly one week later at the exact same time we were watching fireworks my mom, dad and the girls and I would be at the Gunnison Valley Hospital dealing with my grandpa’s death.


On Wednesday, July 7th my parents took the girls up on Skyline Drive in the 12 Mile Pass area to go camping. They usually go for one week every July and camp in one of a few spots they like. I had hoped to be able to go with them but unfortunately work prevented me from being able to until Friday. My grandpa was also going on Friday but when he realized I wasn’t leaving Provo until after I got off work at 6:00 he decided he’d drive up on his own earlier in the day.  Friday arrived and after work I hurried and stopped at home to take care of the animals and gather my stuff and started my drive. From my house it takes about 2.5 hours to get to the camping spot.  Because the roads are fairly bumpy on the mountain I had to drive really slow. It was getting dark and was a beautiful night so I had the windows rolled down and was singing away to music when I passed someone on a 4 wheeler.  I finally realized that it was my dad so I slammed on my brakes. He teased me quite a bit that I didn’t figure out it was him until I had passed. I followed him to camp where my mom was just finishing up making fried chicken for dinner. The girls were really excited to catch me up on what adventures they had been on over the past few days without me. I think Jordyn would kill me if she knew I posted this but she and Maegan went on a little hike and they thought they saw a bear. Jordyn was so scared that she actually wet her pants and ran back to the trailer. As much as we tried to convince them it probably wasn’t a bear (given where they described this apparent ‘bear den’) there was no denying that Jordyn truly was scared to death and I did feel bad for her. By this point of the night it was almost 11:00 p.m. and we decided it was time for bed. My dad and grandpa talked about the fishing plans for the next day.  My grandpa headed out to sleep in his tent while we got the beds in the trailer set up for me and the girls.

The following days will be difficult for my to talk about. I debated about whether I should even write about it here but I honestly use this blog as my journal and I’ve decided I should write everything down because I don’t want to forget what happened and how I felt, which always seems to happen with the passing of time. That said, it’s going to be pretty emotional and it may take me some time before I get it all typed up so this is where I'll leave you for now.

Just kidding.  I love reading.  In fact, I'm so horribly addicted to reading that this week I seriously neglected all other aspects of cleaning, cooking etc. So much so that I had an epiphany, that even a reading addiction can be a bad thing if other important things (is making dinner really that important?  j/k) are not getting done so I had to put the kibosh on it and have only been reading for about 20-30 minutes before I go to sleep.  Anyway, that's my personal reading.  Right now I am also reading the girls a chapter or two of Harry Potter each night before the girls go to sleep.  We attempted this once before but I think they were a little too young to get some of the humor in it and we only got through the second book.  This time around, Maegan and Brooklen usually end up falling asleep but Jordyn is really enjoying it and laughs and most of the humor and questions parts (which is a lot) that varies from the movie.  It's been a lot of fun.  Anyway, my point of this entire rambling is that tonight after I finished reading, Jordyn was the only one awake and didn't want to go to sleep.  I convinced her to try and read Pollyanna, one of my favorite books from when I was a kid.  She agreed to read one chapter.  After about 20 minutes I went upstairs to ask her how she liked it and this is what I found.....

When I moved the book I saw she at least did give it a try and made it to page 14.  Either she was actually more tired than she thought or reading really must be boring.  Guess I'll find out when I ask her in the morning!

The rest of June wasn't too crazy.  After all the craziness of the previous couple of weeks I was glad to have a week off.

On June 17th I had Bunko at my friend Michelle Knudsen's house.  I won the door prize which was a $20.00 gift certificate to the University Mall.

Saturday June 19th was the first ever craft club.  I'm going to be shameless here and tell you that if you want to read about what the Craft Club is and why I started it you'll need to check out http://www.mapleandvine.blogspot.com/.  Anyway, I wanted to keep the first one simple so we made fabric covered mouse pads.  Heather made two of them for Father's Day gifts and Michelle K. wasn't able to make it so I made hers.  She wanted one for work and one for home.  They were a great first project.  Not too hard or expensive.